Imagine waking one morning to discover your sex has changed!

On the last episode of Your Story we heard from Sophie, about her time in Berlin from before “The Wall” came down in 1989 to today.

Sophie at Another Country Books

Today we hear Part 2, a completely different story to what we heard last time, about her amazing story of gender transition and how it all came about and evolved.

Just imagine that!

Imagine waking one day to discover something as fundamental as your gender, which seems to be locked in stone for life, suddenly changing.

Despite the momentum of a lifetime Sophie found herself in this situation and she takes us through how it came about and how she dealt with it along with the reality of what it means to move through transition. This is not the standard story of gender transition that we hear from time to time but a medical condition that has lead to a change but then, as Sophie mentions maybe it was a transition that was always going to happen when the situation was right and the medication was what tip the balance.

Another Country Bookstore

We talk about the reality of what it’s meant for Sophie, both emotionally, mentally and physically. The way it’s impacted her personal and professional relationships along with the continuity of running the business at Another Country Books in Berlin along with family and friends in her greater community. Sophie generously shares with us some incredibly personal aspects of the transgender journey and how living real can be the most import aspect of gender transition.

Website: AnotherCountry.de
Address: Riemannstr, 7, 10961 Berlin, (U7 Gneisenaustr)
Phone: 030/96401160

If you’re in or ever get to Berlin make sure you check out Sophie’s bookstore.

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← If you want to record the Life Stories of others, listen to my other podcast at Create Your Life Story.com or on iTunes.

…Or have a look at some other great shows available at LifeStyle Pod Network→

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Stereoglyph
“Comatose” (mp3)
from “Neon City”
(Muti Music)
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“Hottub” (mp3)
from “Mantra”
(Night Drive Music)
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Could Berlin return to these times 100 years later?

As a walk around the streets of Berlin and talk to people I realise that there are aspects of the culture that reminds me of Berlin’s most avant guard times in the 1920′s. In the area where I’m staying I notice some of the relaxed attitudes that are mentioned in this video.

In this audio I mention this image I’m seeing in the UBahn everywhere. Would your culture be nonplussed to have this as promotional material?

 

Walking to the other path through life

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Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be the opposite gender?

Or have you ever wondered how it is for someone who isn’t just curious but identifies with being the opposite sex?

I like many people have wondered these things from time to time. I’m happily a heterosexual male but I realise that there are some people in our community who feel different about their body and would love to have the opposite gender. What is that like and how does someone deal with it?

Lorelei

Today we talk with Lorelei, originally from Northern New South Wales but now living in Brisbane who is 18 months into transitioning from being a male electrician working in a sugar mill to a female natural therapist.

Now that must be some journey!

Lorelei and I talk about her early memories as a boy with some different feelings, then becoming and working with blokes but with a feminine twist,  eventually to migrating to a supporting community as she transitions to become one of the girls, including dealing with hormones, possible medical procedures and relationships. What a journey this must be.

Thanks for being so open in sharing Your Story, Lorelei.

Website is EverQuestingMind.wordpress.com
Email is on her site’s Contacts Page

Do you know someone who has been through similar experiences in their life? Please comment below.

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Che Papusa
“La Milonga” (mp3)
from “Buenos Aires Tango Dance”
(Suramusic S.R.L)

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Kevin Selfe and the Tornadoes
“Playing the Game” (mp3)
from “Playing the Game”
(Blue Skunk Music)

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Welcome To Episode 49 of Your Story.

In a pub recently it was mentioned that I should sit and talk with Gemma-Rose as she has a passion for photography and has managed to make a career of what many would love to do for a living.

Gemma

Not only do we learn of the early days of learning photography in high school but the advantage of coming into it with a little more maturity has paid off along with working as a photojournalist and doing some of the more unpleasant aspects of the job.

Now Gemma is off to Melbourne to work with St Kilda Gatehouse to enable street sex workers and substance dependent people to find a new way to express themselves and to tell their stories. Gemma has a more oblique way of looking at the world and recently undertook and explains her ongoing project, Show Us Ya Tits to show the differences of women and their worlds.

Her website is gemmarose.com.au
email is info@gemmarose.com.au

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Music

iodaPROMONET

Vodovoz
“Mantra” (mp3)
from “Mantra”
(Night Drive Music)

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Welcome To Episode 48 of Your Story.

What would you do if you had suspicions of your partner having an affair? Could you confront them and have a discussion? Even then how would you know that what you were being told is the truth? What if you were told that nothing was happening but despite that reassurances you still had it eating away inside of you saying something wasn’t right? Would it be good to find out for certain one way or other, or are you just being insecure?

Tiffany Bond has discovered that not only is there still a demand for infidelity investigation but business is booming as the times may change but people don’t and there is a constant stream of husbands and wives contacting her, seeking information and advice to settle their concerns and suspicion of their partner having an affair.

Tiffany’s talent revealed itself when she used her training with her own relationship, leading her friends to suggest that she could help others, as she was helped, by finding the truth and slaying her own demons.  Starting her private investigation business the Detection Group she has added to previous experiences to tell many more stories written about in her first book Confessions of a Female Private Investigator.

The book is really a series of short stories of her adventures as a debt collector, police officer and private investigator and the experiences that she and her clients find themselves in with suspicion, discovery and resolution of some of the more disappointing aspects of peoples relationships. It’s actually a bit of a page turner in it’s simple short format story telling style forcing me to drag myself away to get this episode published rather than while away the day indulging in the voyeurism of peoples behaviours.

This is not all about the grime and the sordid underbelly of society but much like Episode 40 Grace. Prostitution – More than you Think, in that, in this story we find someone who is driven to help others to take responsibility, heal and move on by finding out the information that has been eating away at them with suspicion. It’s more than just catching people out, it’s about helping people who’s relationships have devolved and aiding them to move their relationships forward.

Tiffany’s Contacts are:

Phone:

• 1300 780 833
• +61(0)458 600 638

Website:

• DetectionGroup.com.au
• TiffanyBond.com.au

Email:

• enquiry@DetectionGroup.com.au

Social:

• Twitter
• Facebook
• Linked In

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Urban Legend
“The World Keeps Spinning (feat. Chana)” (mp3)
from “Tropical Techniques”
(Blind Lemon Music)

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Eastern Sun
“Northern Vision” (mp3)
from “In Emptiness”
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Welcome To Episode 43 of Your Story.

Deby has been in Buenos Aries as a visitor and now permanently since 2000. Originally coming to Buenos Aires to surround herself in the world of tango, she sold up everything in California in 2004, relocated to Buenos Aires and is now looking forward to becoming an Argentine citizen.

While falling in love with lifestyle here she has had the experiences of someone learning to understanding a new culture in order to become part of it. Now she is fully immersed into the life as a local and defends it vehemently.

Deby explains how it is for a local, how when you don’t earn in another international currency and the multiplier effects of exchange rates how difficult it is to live here. She gives us a small overview of the world and industry of tango also taking us on a discovery of the cultural differences in the way men and women interact compared with her home country of the US.

Several days after this recording we meet again at a milonga where we spent a few lovely hours together with friends. I look forward to returning to Buenos Aires again one day and this time with more time and experience on the dance floor I look forward to having a real tango with her.

Her website is tangospam.typepad.com
email is info@lavidacondeby.com

I mentioned in this episode about the great transport and travel advice that I received from Fred at SilverStarCar.com. If you’re ever in Buenos Aires and would like to travel in comfort from the airport or around the city, consider giving Fred a call and see if the service he offers suits your needs. In case you wondered I’m receiving no kickback from Fred for this, he’s getting this plug simply because he offered me great service and it deserves to be mentioned.

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Music is from iodaPROMONET

Katona Twins
“Milonga en re” (mp3)
from “Le Grand Tango”
(Channel Classics Records)

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Juan Carlos Abitabile
“El Choclo” (mp3)
from “Tangos En Piano Bar”
(Suramusic S.R.L)

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Welcome To Episode 40 of Your Story.

Although only 21, Grace has had a lifetime of experiences as a sex worker in the few short years since she started at only 17 years of age.

As a prostitute she has worked both in brothels and independent as an escort. Now out of the sex industry and for someone of such a young age she already has and shares a fascinating and mature insight into her motivations of how the industry is for a working girl.

What is amazing and wonderful in this story is how genuinely proud Grace is of her work, who she has touched and the good that she has participated in with the people she has meet through being involved in the sex industry. Both with the clients and the other girls she worked with.

She has from the very beginning come into the industry as a professional wanting to be there for the work and lifestyle and not as is the cliche of being a damaged individual who resorts to compromising herself. In fact, the exact opposite. She came to the Industry from a place of surety and confidence and maintained that during her time there.

She explains that the strong and negative societal prejudice against sex workers is unfair and that a great deal of good comes from the Sex Industry for the community. The Sex Industry is one of the places where a form of help and healing for many people in society is available that is unfortunately, at present, unavailable for other systems to ameliorate.

If you wish to contact Grace email me and I’ll pass it on.

Thank-you Grace for coming on the show and telling Your Story, you have given us  insights into an industry that many are unaware of.

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Music is Hot by Arron

 

Welcome To Episode 35 of Your Story.

Today we talk with a married couple, Lucy and Willy who for the last half dozen years have been in the Swinging scene of recreational sex where they sexually share each other on occasions with other couples.

Wikipedia describes swinging as “non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.”

In this episode of Your Story Lucy and Willy describe how they discovered, discussed and the decisions to move into what’s referred to as “The Lifestyle”. With frankness they explain how they considered all possible bizarre situations, many of which eventually evolved and laid down ground rules for them to deal with too much intimacy and explain that contrary to the way it’s promoted, as harmless unemotional sexual fun, there is the danger that emotions do become involved and create the messy dynamics that are part of all human relationships despite the fact that rules are in place and all agree that it just for Fun.

Lucy and Willy say that’s it’s a great lifestyle but with dangers that need to be considered if your entering The Lifestyle and that open, loving and honest communication with your partner is first and foremost and even with that there are potential pitfalls to watch out for. From their experience if your considering this lifestyle take care and Do no harm seems to me to be the message.

• If you want to understand how to talk with your partner about the swinging lifestyle your could consider this interesting guide just Click Here!

• Help save your relationship with this “Save Your Marriage… Starting Today“, just take the time to look by Clicking Here!

• Interesting websites Sex is Fun Radio Show, Swingercast.

email is is via me.

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Music is from iodaPROMONET

Joe Sibol

“Hot Sexy Girls (California Remix)” (mp3)

from “The Great Music”

(My Sonic Temple)

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Joe Sibol

“Hot Sexy Girls (Instrumental)” (mp3)

from “The Great Music”

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Welcome To Episode 10 of Your Story Addendum.

For a reason that I don’t understand I have an affinity towards the sacrifices made by the Australian troops particularly in World War One. So while here in London I went on a mission to see the Australian War Memorial at Hyde Park Corner.

On the way I was surprised to discovered the Canadian memorial in Green Park and the New Zealand war memorial near the Australian Memorial. Around these old British colonies war memorials is the grandiose memorials of old empire and militarism. The comparison for me was profound and I thought it was worth a comment.

Later in the day I had an opportunity to attend a performance at Shakespeare’s Globe of The Merry Wives of Windsor. I had a wonderful time laughing at a classic play performed in period Elizabethan costume in the worlds only open air Elizabethan play house . The costumes were impeccable in construction and function. The acting was the best in the world. The building that is the theatre is awesome in its style, function and construction.

The entire night was truly a wonderful experence in every way and I would strongly suggest that it’s a must see if visiting London.

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Welcome To Episode Eight of Your Story.

Today we talk with Yeon who was adopted along with her twin sister from Korea into a mixed ethnic family in Newcastle. She tells of the disconnection she feels for her Korean heritage and the bigotry that comes from her appearance that is different to how she relates to her world as an Australian.

Recently she has moved to Sydney giving her the freedom from the prejudice of small town bias. Unfortunately the move was because of the return of a family member and the memory of abuse perpetrated by him.

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Kooii
“We Get Around” (mp3)
from “Beads on a String”
(Sugar Rush – Sol Records)

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Welcome To Episode Four of Your Story.

Today we talk with Krissy Kneen who is passionate about being a writer with a recently published book of erotic short stories.

Have you ever considered the sex life of people outside of the mainstream who we normally don’t think of being sexual due to their life circumstances? Krissys book explores some of these.We also discuss the challenges of being a writer and the sexually secluded upbringing that help her to look in this way at the people around us.

Her book is Swallow the Sound and is available from her website eatbooks.com email is info@eatbooks.com

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Music is from PodsafeAudioOpening track is So Deep by Frenz

 

Welcome To Episode Two of Your Story.Today we talk with Eve a German Sociology Student who was a recent visitor to Australia. We discuss her alternative view of relationships that is fundamentally different to the way that we in the West see that intimate relationships should be conducted which many people see as quite confronting. We also discuss growing up in East Germany and her thoughts on Australia.To automatically receive this podcast freely to you, click on one of the links to the left or search in iTunes for “Your Story.”Subscribe freely in iTunes by Clicking here.If you use another Podcast software Get the feed here.Music is from PodsafeAudioOpening track is “Peace Is A…” by Joe Sibol from his “The Great Music” Album

 

Welcome to the first but not quite episode of Your Story.

Thanks for dropping by.

In this episode I explain my motivation and what I’m hoping to achieve in producing this podcast.

On this blog I’ve referenced many times to the importance of understanding the ways of life that others live. By appreciating that we are all wanting a good life, a life of community and communication where we are both adding to our society and our own lives we develop a sense that we have purpose. This podcast is about exploring the different ways in which people live their lives and achieve the things that they have done in their lives to get them to the place that they are today.

In this first episode I explain why I’m motivated to achieve what I’m doing and the hopes that I have for you the listener.

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Humans are funny animals aren’t we. Lets look at relationships.

We all want to connect, to be with someone, someone in our life at whatever a relationship means to the individual. Some only want someone for the occasional hang out or friendship or maybe just a sex partner. Others want someone for everything to share hobbies, holidays, work, sex, family/friends, everything! But I think it is a very rare individual that is truly happy to be always alone and to live in isolation as is shown by the fact that the ultimate form of punishment is solitary confinement. I feel that people who genuinely enjoy their own company and aren’t retreating from some pain or suffering still enjoy friendships and the interaction of society. There may be exceptions but I have yet to meet one and if they are out there I’m sure they are extremely rare.

Considering how much we yearn to form community and want to be with others, the amount of effort we put into finding someone special, a soulmate it’s interesting how poorly we do it. Our communities breakdown into tribal conflict and our personal relationships breakdown after a time despite our expectations that they are to remain forever. We want it, we crave it, we have the drive and the systems, biologically and intellectually to connect but we don’t seem to have the mechanism to make it work forever. There seems to be some conflict between expectations and outcome!

Now I must come clean… Yes, I’m also talking about myself. I’ve done the euphoria, the first flush of relationships, I’ve been well and truly beaten with the smitten stick a few times and it feels great. I’ve moved into the relationship with the expectation that it will last forever, to be two elderly people holding hands in the street going through life together. I’ve also had the disappointment pain and hurt as the relationships have ended and dealt with being divorced and a single parent. So I know what it is like and I still want to connect with others.

The problem I feel isn’t that we want relationships, that’s fine. The problem isn’t that relationships end either. The problem stems from the conflict that we feel that relationships should form and not end. Why shouldn’t they end? Maybe having a relationship end is a good thing, an opportunity for something new.

I can hear you… “NOOOO….”

Why do we form relationships? We have a yearning for companionship, sure. We have a biological urge to procreate, sure. We want to form an alliance for strength and power, sometimes that occurs also.

Here in the West we have a divorce rate of between 40% and 60% and I often notice of the remainder the vast majority of relationships are challenging and definitely not what they would call ideal so the percentage of relationships that are as the individuals had hoped for is probably in the single figures. Cast your mind over all of the relationships that you know and consider how many are wonderful and fully functional, even then are you sure, as we have all seen the perfect couple separate.

If you were about to get on a plane or boat and you knew that your chance of surviving unscathed was five or ten percent would you board? These are our odds as we go blindly into marriage wishing that we will be different. Remember research shows that the stress of divorce is similar to that of someone close dying.

So my thought is to take from the old saying “it better to love and lose than never to love at all”.

Considering the odds we would be better off assuming that relationships will end and to enjoy the ride on the way, embracing every moment, as we can’t assume that things will last as ultimately they won’t. After all it will change and it will end, it’s either separation or death we just don’t want to think about it. So get over it and get on with it, unless you want to be by yourself and miserable.

But this isn’t the way we are told it’s supposed to be. Find your soulmate, fall in love, marriage, kids, house and they live happily ever after. Right! Sorry, maybe for the rare few but generally it doesn’t seem to work like that.

Lets go back a few hundred thousand years or so when the human animal is walking around the savanna of ancient Africa. We are living in a small tribe of ten to fifty individuals. Many of us are interrelated, occasionally someone new joins to add to the mix. One day two people look across the camp fire and something stirs in them. Attraction is there, the primal urge says to each that this would make a good combination for children and after some negotiation it’s on and we have a new member of the tribe. The mother along with the rest of the tribe raises the child and the father is there as support doing the provider thing for the tribe and offspring but able to drift about. The mother is basically bound to the child from conception till about four when it is independent enough to support itself somewhat. Sometime during this due to the pressures of the practical life attention moves away from the partner and others are noticed, attraction kicks in again and a new coupling is formed and the cycle starts again. One woman has mixed her genes with a few men and one man has mixed his with multiple women but they are still within the one tribe so they are still around all raising the children providing for the group and living within one large multiple person marriage called a Tribe.

Now if this situation is correct it lasted for a long time and would have been successful or else some thing like monogamy would have come along. But monogamy has come along! No, looking at the mix of human genetics it’s been stated that one in ten people send a fathers day card to the wrong person and that is the way it has been for all of human history! Monogamy is a myth and we’re not designed for it. In the Selfish Gene Richard Dawkins lays out his argument that it is not even about creating new people but about replicating genes and that it’s all about gene mixing, so one partner is not as efficient as multiple partners for gene mixing.

So why don’t we just go at it like rabbits with everyone and spread our genes wider than we do. Why do we want to form relationships and communities as we do?

Power and survival is why. A group is stronger than an individual and resources can be shared more efficiently. No one person has to do everything as there are others to do for them through the group as they also do. Within a partnership a stronger bond is formed to aid coupling, child bearing and rearing but after a few years the partner bond is less important as the tribe takes over the role as the child integrates into the tribe then the individuals move their attraction to someone new.

In our traditional Western Society we see this. They meet, hook up, fall in love and marry. That takes a year or two. A child is conceived and raised to about four. Then things get rocky start to break down and the couple separates. About seven years give or take a few. Ever heard of the seven year itch? Maybe philandering is more natural than we think.

A lot of people don’t separate, or play up, sure but are they still completely in the relationship like they were in those wonderfully heady early years? Mostly no.

So why stay together? For the same reasons as before Power and Survival because we don’t have the tribe to support us now. A couple no matter how dysfunctional the relationship is, has some strengths of support and assistance that an individual doesn’t have in the raising of the child and maintaining the survival of the genes.

People have known this for a long time. Until the mid 1700′s only the nobles in Europe were married and it wasn’t the necessary thing for the lower classes to do. Even then it wasn’t about love it was about power and prestige. Couples weren’t married, families were Wed. Couples/Families wed together to consolidate estates, form alliances and build power bases. Once a couple of children had been produced and the linage of the power secured the couple went their own way with matters of the heart and had affairs, lovers, concubines and all matter of flings. This still happens today. Look at the British Royals for a case in point.

Many cultures have arranged marriages and many of them last a long time as they know the rules, that it isn’t about love but about the big picture of survival of the group. Where arranged marriages are frowned on as in the West, where we have the utopian picture of love based marriage it still happens, just more subtle as often people are introduced within ethnic, family or social groups and it is only the illusion of freedom to find love but the restriction is to find it within the specific grouping. So the power remains local.

So the 50′s dream of the nuclear family was always doomed but we expect it to survive only because we have such a short life-span and limited history that comes with it. If only we were to look at the longer human history instead of just a couple of generations as we have seen things are different. We have been sold the story to such an extent that we believe it. I’m not sure why we were spun this story but I’m sure it’s something to do with keeping us working and consuming for the system as we know it to work. I’ll get back to you about that one.

So marriage doesn’t work, not even monogamy, what then? Lets look at what we are already doing.

We find, love, connect, separate… then we find, love, connect, separate… then we find, love, connect, separate. Well this is called serial monogamy. One committed relationship until completion then move onto another. That’s what most people have done, not just with multiple marriages but the relationships before settling into the supposed permanent relationship.

It starts with dating in the teen years where it’s seen as ok to cruise through a few relationships, not too many, then to settle on The One. Fancy that, we expect to have half a dozen immature relationships then miraculously find our soulmate and be content with that for the next sixty years. Not really surprising that it’s rarely achieved. However maybe the way in which we date is the practice for the way that we are supposed to do it. The way we start in our youth is the way of the human relationship dynamic, to hook up and then move. We practice with dating then we mature to more substantial relationships but ultimately there is a use by date and we move on. So lets just admit it, that’s what we all do!

It’s the belief that it is wrong to relate like this and the hope that the latest relationship is the one that will last, despite the evidence, that keeps us behaving like this. I think serial monogamy is completely functional if both parties accept that it is like this and accept that things will change and then when it does it will be time to move on to a new relationship. By going in with your eyes open the devastation of the separation won’t eventuate as it’s always expected and the appreciation of spending what time you have together is increased as you are aware that the end is inevitable.

With a mature attitude this news is only good and the relationship is enjoyed fully in the moment and the suffering of the separation is diminished and maybe in parting a permanent long term new form of relationship is formed. With this completed and all accepting the situation all move on and if all stay connected harmoniously the tribe is supported and the circle of participants grow. Giving support and power to the group, for the good of all.

 

Today I had an interesting conversation with Eve about the state of how it is for a intelligent young person living in Germany and visiting Australia. Eve is passionate about sociology and gender studies offering a fresh insight into how a modern feminist looks at the world of the 21st century. This is my first conversation for my upcoming podcast of individuals stories about their lives.

I’ve still to do a few more interviews and edit them down into a format before I post them but I’m now on the way.

 

I’ve always thought that people because we are social, ultimately want community. This is achieved through all sorts of activities. Every club or group is a collection of people wanting to connect. This I feel is more important to the participants than the actual activity they are engaged in which is mealy the cause and commonality of their community. Once this community is forged it seems to become tribal where the protection of the group and dynamics is important if not critical for the survival of the group. This is what generates parochial behavior where outside groups are seen as threats.

This is played out with competitions played through arbitrary lines of division between groups, clubs, schools, communities until the divisions are state against state, country against country and religion against belief. Initially it’s nothing but spirited desire to improve against another reference group but quickly develops into competition. As the stakes increase from pleasure to prestige to fame to wealth to power the desire to stomp on the competition increases and if unchecked quickly moves into behavior of belittling , contempt, disrespect and on through to violence.

Consider a friendly soccer game where the joy is to have a kick with friends for the sheer pleasure of it. Now consider the development of the game through the minor leagues to professional and onto international where to win, at any cost is of the only importance. The frustration of not achieving is expressed in negative emotions that if allowed and antagonised leads to violence on the field and in the greater tribal spectators.
Sport in the true amateur ideals of Baron de Coubertin who started the modern Olympic movement is valid but the unbalanced human nature of wanting to put your competition down is the thin end of the wedge that if allowed to run unchecked and provoked can lead to war.

Few people can compete to 100% effort for only themselves and disregard a greater success in others while being equally content with not achieving as well as others. Second can be first if it’s 100% and should be equally celebrated by all in the same way that Personal Best(PB) performances are noted. Any demeaning of any position because they are not first is to feel someone is better so therefore I’m less and to win through fair or foul is okay.

This I’m wondering is maybe to crux of so many of today’s problems where people feel disenfranchised and on the outside. This can lead to frustration and possibly violence but is differently unhealthy if we want a harmonious society.

I find it interesting that in order to train people to kill another it is necessary to dehumanise the enemy as human nature is in contradiction to the act of killing another. Therefore the reverse seems to me that if you humanise your enemy or better still develop a connection and understanding with those you currently don’t understand you will be able to care, empathise and have compassion for others to the extent that to harm them is to harm your own tribe, your own family.

On her TED wish Jehane Noujaim said that she wanted to create word peace through interaction of the peoples of the world. In achieving that we grow our family to our community to the globe and a much deeper understanding of others must come of it. If we have an appreciation for someone else’s humanity and they of ours we will for a larger and stronger community or tribe until we all feel part of the one tribe.

My hope is that through my humble attempts to ask people to open up a bit and reveal a little of themselves, of their experiences, hopes and dreams we may learn some of who we share this world with and inso find out that maybe, just maybe, there is more that connects us than separates us.